I Smell Like Coppertone.

Thank god it is hot out again. I am obsessive about sunscreen and wear it every day but when the sun gets really strong again in the spring and summer, I bust out the Coppertone. No UV rays will get me. I may be the palest girl in California now, but I'll have less wrinkles and sunspots later!

I am always beyond pale at my auditions in comparison with other girls. Especially when I go to the "Latina" calls. I don't really fit in when I go to those. But even standard auditions I am one of the few who is not tan or orange. It is just so unappealing. I don't understand when orange became acceptable.

My imagination has been in overdrive lately, I'm not quite sure why, but I find myself more distracted and daydreaming than usual. But in a strange way it helps to keep me focused and keeps my brain on a creative track. I work with babies and yesterday when one of the kids fell asleep while I was holding her, I literally disappeared into my mind for a good half hour or maybe more, just letting my thoughts follow each other, and see where they went. Like an imaginative stream of consciousness I suppose. I like hearing music, then transporting myself to being present when the music being played, then I start to think about all the different ways that music can be showcased. Then I usually try to develop some kind of movement based stage piece that would somehow go with whatever I am listening to. It rarely works.

Yesterday I was having my kids listen to Irish music for obvious reasons and my brain just floated around for a while trying to creatively connect certain songs or sounds with physical movement or with light.

I do this alot when I listen to Muse. I used them in the one person show I wrote a few years ago because I really find the epic and theatrical quality lends well to theatre. That band in particular really motivates me to daydream about the possibilities of different performance ideas. I really like the idea of taking really theatrical music, and putting it with amazing graphics, dancers, actors, lighting, and seeing what kind of strange piece would come of it. Like a contemporary ballet or something. Set to Queen. That would be awesome and weird.

I think about that stuff sometimes. It is good for my brain I think.

Oh and how amazing does this movie look? I hope it blows away my imagination and mind.



I hope it is everything I want it to be. More thinking outside the box, please.

I recall:

A couple weeks ago I auditioned for a health care company to be a part of their educational theatre children's program, which could a. be fun and b. be steady employment which is always a novel concept.

I was insanely sick during the audition and had to sing a song so I thought for sure I wouldn't get a callback but I did, and I'm so glad because the callback was quite fun.

Since it was for a company that required a good amount of theatre training they had extensive callbacks involving dancing, movement, improv and even attempts at putting sets together. It was like some kind of weird theatre camp. The first half of the day they had us dance and do improv, afterwhich about half of the group was let go. Luckily my friends and I got to stay on for the rest of the day when we read from lots of different scripts.

It was weird because I was expecting some really intimidating callback experience with terrifying improv (because for the most part I abhor improv) but the stuff we did were exercizes reminicent of the first day of movement class in the BFA. I am talking total cake. Thank god the BFA kicked our asses when it did so now I can pretty much handle anything thrown my way.

The whole day was super fun because of the fun games and such and hanging out with my friends, but I didnt get the job. Which I am actually glad I didn't because I watched SICKO last week and remembered that this corporation is the devil and I am too young to sell out to the devil.

I may be broke and stuck but I still have my principles. Or so I tell myself.

On another note, am thoroughly obsessed and in love with Hedi Slimane's artwork, I think there will be an exhibit around here soon, though I may very well be incorrect about that. He just did some pieces on Lindsey Lohan and Courtney Love that were good, albeit irritating individuals.

Obviously, my fave is my bb Louis:

I made lots of Valentines today. It was very creative of me. Sparkly puffy paint and everything.

I've been seeing a good amount of theatre lately, mainly with my friend Sean. We try to make it a point to go see lots of shows and Sean knows people and gets us free tickets to CTG shows so that is awesome.

It's a terrible misconception that there isn't any good theatre in L.A. There is lots of good theatre it's just difficult to find. Other than the big famous ones like CTG, The Pantageus, etc, you really have to dig around and make an effort to find things. I really only know about the theatres because of friends who have performed at them. Since it's mainly 99-seat theatres anyone can book a performance space and sometimes the shows are just straight up heinous. I'm starting to develop a pretty good idea of what shows are worth my time and which aren't. Or so i think.

The problem with auditioning for theatres in L.A. is that since anyone can book a space it's difficult to know whether you are auditioning for a legitimate or quality show. I get called all the time to audition for shows that are held in "co-op" theatres and I haven't really figured out how I feel about the whole idea of paying dues to be in a performance. It is bad enough that non-equity actors don't get a dime but then to have to pay for it? Granted today I did submit myself for a co-op theatre doing Little Women but the 13 year old girl in me couldn't resist the opportunity. I guess if I get an audition I will just scope it out and see if it looks legit.

I could also ask around more. I think I need to get more people's opinions on how to navigate the theatre scene. It seems more untamed than the film industry and while it's awesome and there are lots more opportunities, it gets confusing as to how to maneuver even getting an audition or who to submit to, or what theatres are the correct ones to audition for.

Anylifeisconfusing, last weekend Sean and I went to go see a staged reading of a new musical called Bermuda at the Broad Theatre in Santa Monica. My friend David Largman Murray wrote the book and lyrics and Bobby Halvorson composed the music. Emily Wiesberg was the director, she was my AD for an awesome show I did in Santa Barbara called bobrauschenbergamerica, more about that later. Bermuda was awesome. As is any show written by David, it was hilarious, and strange and smart and just transported you to this insane world that was so kooky and yet the audience just totally accepts it and goes with it. I had such a good time, it's so important for me to see theatre that really speaks to me and that reminds me why I put up with all the crap that goes on with the daily grind of it all so that maybe one day I can be a part of something new and fresh and awesome. It's also so nice to see my friends doing well and really creating beautiful stuffs.



Ty Foster played guitar. It was kind of amazing.

The week before that Sean and I went to the Kirk Douglas Theatre which I had never been to before and absolutely loved! It is a 99-seat so it was small and intimate but it was in a beautiful building with a really nice lobby. I was mainly excited because we got there so early that we found good parking and had time to drink some wine before the show started(that was my favorite part). This is rare for Sean and myself as we are usually sitting in traffic, cursing everyone and just barely making it to our shows. The show was called Taking Over and was a one man show about the gentrification of Brooklyn. Interesting and well done, he was a fantastic character actor, which must be so much fun - but at the end of the show, the actor broke character and tried to justify his play! It was so bizarre and completely took me out of the moment. I did not heart that at all. It seemed so self aggrandizing and obnoxious. Just let the audience decide! If they don't like it - oh well! It's nice to see people make mistakes and see what kind of things I wouldn't want to incorporate in my own work and what works and what does not. The audience definitely did not seem receptive to this.





Need to make an effort to keep seeing more good theatre. And to audition for more. I've been looking for some new monologues and reworking the old ones so that should be good motivation. Sometimes I feel like I probably have 80 different monologues and lines from plays just rotting in my brain.


I really don't know why my posts have been so long. That wasn't my intention. Editing. That's a problem I have on stage and in life. Le sigh. I will work on it. Though is this too long? I do not know.